Terrible? Terrific? I’ve heard both. Is there really a way to describe this time in a child’s life, and the parents’? Some days it feels terrible, some days are terrific, and then there are the in-between days. It’s a time of independence. Zachary wants to try everything, do everything and wants it right now. He LOVES to get a reaction out of you. It fuels him up. So I try. I try to intervene and teach and help with patience and little emotion, except when we are celebrating successes. It’s hard, I admit, but I will still try. I know he is not fully understanding yet and not fully communicating yet. He is growing so quickly. I believe that as a parent it is my job to help him learn and understand this crazy world he lives in…how to respect and treat others, how to be gentle and nice, how to love and help, and how to express emotions and wants in a healthy way. And I know it will not end when he turns 3 or 16. This is a time of exploration and independence, but isn’t all life this way? When I really think about it, I am going on 38 and I haven’t mastered all this yet either. So I continue to try with patience and love, knowing that there will be rough days, but hoping that through it all he will grow to love and respect others and this world in which he lives. And as I work with him, may I be reminded to do the same. Bless us, Lord as we try.
Suffering, sort of March 31, 2009
Today I have been reminded of suffering first hand! As I journey through Lent I am reminded of a suffering in which I can not comprehend and this day is no comparison to the Lord’s suffering on the cross, I know that deeply, but…. My poor little guy is suffering today. He had a temp this weekend, has a runny nose, a yucky cough and is welcoming new teeth. He is not a happy guy today. He is just plain miserable. He has moments of play and smiles, but most of the day has been about crying, wining and clinging to mom. His suffering rushes over me. I feel helpless for this little man whom I love so desperately. I get frustrated and tired, but I take deep breaths, scoop him into my arms and love him as much as I can. And I think about Mary. How much love she must have had for her son. How much suffering she must have gone through as she watched him take that long walk to the cross. My mommy heart aches for Mary tonight and all who have lost. Thank you Lord, for that walk of healing love. May it rush over us this season. Thank you. I love you.
Paranoid Parent? September 12, 2008
I subscribe to a blog feed called The Pica Perspective. The writer is Rae Pica. She is a children’s activity specialist and writes about the physical, social, emotional and cognitive development of children. In a recent blog entitled “On Coddled Kids” she writes about how children are losing the opportunity to be children due to fears and anxieties of adults. She has touched on this subject before, but now that I am a parent, it has really made me evaluate myself. The article she quotes talked about how many kids are not allowed to ride their bikes or play in the neighborhood park without adult supervision and have been banned from climbing trees and playing tag or chase in fear of them getting hurt.
I remember as a child, my parents allowed me to run around our little neighborhood playing with our friends without constant supervision, as long as we told them whose house we were going to and stayed around the area. I remember riding my bike or big wheel, playing in the yard and walking to the neighbors without them standing on the porch watching me. It was freeing and fun. I completely recognize that today’s world has changed a bit since I was a child, but has it really that much? I wonder what I will be like as Zachary gets older. Will I be so protective of him that I won’t let him play outside without me being there? Will I be able to let him go hoping and trusting that the values and ’smarts’ we teach him will help him make good decisions and stay safe? I admit it scares me to leave him out of my site. I have a hard time leaving him at the church nursery with capable adults! As a stay at home mom, it may be harder since I am with him every day, but I don’t want to become a paranoid parent who can’t let him leave my site when he is old enough to play outside with his friends. Is or was this hard for you?
In our neighborhood we have several elementary age kids who live right around us. They stop over every once in a while for ice pop because they know Brian has the freezer stocked with them. All summer long we have seen them playing outside, riding their bikes along the street, running around free and happy. Even now when they get home from school, they are out playing. They are good kids, polite, friendly and smart. I hope that when Zachary is that age, I can kiss his head and wish him well as he runs outside to play. I want him to enjoy being a kid because we sure do grow up too fast!
If you have young children, birth through age 8, I recommend Rae Pica’s Blog. You can find her at movingandlearning.com
Is structure so scary? August 21, 2008
Over the past few weeks Zachary and I have been going to Toddler Time at the local library. They do stories and songs. It’s fun and Zachary is fascinated by the other kids. Toddlers are active little people so you never know what will happen, but lately it has felt more chaotic than usual. I have been doing some observing to try and figure out why this is. Most parents sit with their children on the floor and participate with them in the songs and stories. There are some parents who sit back and watch their child as they roam around the room. I think that is fine. But what happens when a child stands in front of the teacher and grabs at her things when she is trying to lead the lesson? What would you do? My initial instinct would be to gently pick up my child, take him back to our area on the carpet and encourage him to watch and listen to what the teacher is doing. Lately, I have been observing more parents letting their children roam without direction, even if they are up front getting into things. This is where the chaos seems to build. More kids gather around the teacher and it becomes difficult for the lesson to continue. Those of us who are sitting, trying to listen and participate are left watching the struggle. I admit it, I became frustrated and finally picked up Zachary and left.
The other day we went to another Toddler Time at a different library. It was mostly music. The teacher told the adults to let their children do whatever they wanted as long as they were safe. If that meant running around the room, that was fine. She asked that we stay with her and continue doing the activities so our children will see us as we model for them. Now don’t get me wrong, I am all about letting kids explore and learn at their own pace, but shouldn’t we as parents help guide our children in that learning? As I watched some children run around the room it didn’t seem to me that they cared at all about what mom, dad or grandma was doing. They were wild and free while other children were trying to sing along over the chaos. Sometimes I wonder if we are so afraid to “squelch” our child’s individuality that we let go of structure and the opportunity to teach them skills they will need for their future.
There are definitely times and places to allow our kids to run, shout and be plain silly, but then there are times to help our children learn to be still, participate and listen. After all, they have never been in this world before. They look to us to be their primary guide and teacher. I do know that when they go off to preschool or Kindergarten there will be quiet times and story times where they won’t be allowed to run around and do what they want. Wouldn’t it be helpful for us to begin building that structure into their lives at an early age? I think so.
Thanks for reading as I process “out loud”. I welcome your thoughts too! Blessings to you and your little one(s)!
Back To School For Some August 16, 2008
I was at the Lake Shore Learning Store this week. I love that place! I had to smile as I walked through the store overhearing teachers asking each other “Will I use this?” or “Oh I need to get this!” and the ever so popular “I need to get out of here!”. I was teaching Kindergarten when Zachary was born and this will be my second year of not returning to teaching. Many ask me if I miss teaching or if I’ll go back. There are definite things I like about being a teacher and things I really don’t. But do I think about it and yearn? Honestly, no. I am so happy being home with Zachary. Now don’t get me wrong, he runs me in circles and tests my patience often. But to watch him explore and experiment, it’s the best teaching experience I could ever have.
His most recent discovery is the garbage. Now we have one of those state-of-the-art, heavy duty cans that has a lid that opens with a foot pedal. The little bugger loves to get into it and take out garbage! It really does not matter how many times I remove him from it, say “that is not for Zachary” or even present the stern “no, Zachary”, he goes back again and again. In fact he crawls closer to it, looks at me, crawls a little closer, looks again and then lays on the “look what I’m going for, mom!” smile. Do you know what I’m talking about?! Tonight I got to that point where I had lost my energy so I just smiled back and watched. He has figured out that if he leans his chest against the can (he’s not standing or walking on his own yet), he can balance himself, lift the lid with one hand and stick the other hand down in. Now when you think about it, that is amazing problem solving. Especially when just a week ago he would see me stick things in it, but he could only pound on the lid. And when I throw something away, I don’t touch the lid, I step on the pedal. So he wasn’t even watching how I was doing it. All I could do tonight was smile, pick him up and tell him how smart he is and how much I love him! Maybe one day I’ll go back to teaching at a school, but for now I will enjoy being taught by my little man to just sit back and enjoy the moments. They just grow up so fast.
